Fanfiction Chopped
by sarin68
Summary: At Fanime I was at a panel where we competed in a fanfic version of the show Chopped. These are what I wrote. T for language or mature topics later on, pairings mentioned inside, not smut, no hard yaoi, etc.
1. Appetizer

_So I was at Fanime and there was this __**awesome**__ panel named "Fanfiction Chopped". Basically during the hour all of us had three weird prompts and had to write a fanfiction including every ingredient in the time limit, ten minutes. There wasn't time to be an actual competition or to even share our stuff to the others, so I decided to post it here!_

_Please excuse the hasty writing and possible random inclusions. It was hard to meet the requirements. I fixed a few spelling and grammar errors so hopefully those are all gone._

_Couples include: Tsugaru/Psyche, Roppi/Tsuki, and Delic/Hibiya._

* * *

Appetizer

Prompt: duck-tape, box marked fragile, evacuation, and a phobia.

Psyche started hyperventilating as Tsugaru calmly pulled him through the crowd. "You're sure Iza-nii and Shizu-chan are waiting for us?" he asked nervously.

"They promised they would," Tsugaru answered. "We're important to them, remember?"

"But that doesn't mean we can't be replaced!" Psyche pointed out.

"It was just a box," Tsugaru tried to calm him. The crowd started pressing in around them. "All it said was 'fragile'. It's probably nothing."

Psyche nodded but shoved up against him. "I don't want to die," he mumbled.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" a scream pierced the crowd.

Psyche and several others jumped and looked around.

"GET IT AWAY!" the woman continued. "Fucking SPIDER!"

"Just keep going," Tsugaru sighed in relief. "They're evacuating us not too far from here."

The screams continued and Psyche remembered finding the box that led to this. It was small and marked fragile, but was completely abandoned. He was curious so removed the duck-tape keeping it closed. He leaned closer and heard ticking.

"If I hadn't removed the duck-tape," Psyched whimpered.

The screaming continued as he wallowed in hindsight bias.

* * *

_So not my best fic, but in 10 minutes with little preparation so it's acceptable. Also I don't know how to write a phobia. I can do fear, especially of spiders or falling, but phobias are so intense I just don't know how best to write them._


	2. Entrée

Entrée

Prompt: apocalypse, dinner date, ex-boyfriend/girlfriend, and old childhood injury.

"Are you still reading about that?" Roppi asked angrily.

Tsuki blushed and buried the newspaper article farther into his bag.

"All that's going to happen is everything that happens on a normal day," Roppi sighed. "2012 is just an ordinary year with another ordinary apocalypse scare."

"Can we just order?" Tsuki asked quietly.

Roppi shrugged and looked at the menu he had put down to focus on the blonde.

Tsuki glanced up nervously and saw the raven's jacket slip. Roppi's exposed arm showed a scar running down the length of his forearm. "What's the from?" the blonde asked concernedly.

Roppi hastily recovered the scar and growled, "Nothing. Just a normal childhood injury."

"But scars like that aren't normal."

"Neither is wearing an old, worn out, stained scarf!"

Tsuki flinched. "But my ex-girlfriend bought it for me."

Roppi snarled and stood up. "Come on," he ordered.

Tsuki mirrored him. "But what about our date?"

"Dinner can wait," the raven growled. He grabbed the blonde's hand and led him out of the restaurant. "I'm buying you a new scarf."

Tsuki smiled widely. "Can you tell me about your scar while we shop?"

Roppi avoided his eyes but murmured an affirmative.

"How did it happen?"

Quietly Roppi answered, "I didn't do it right. I failed."

"Do what right? Failed what?"

There was a long pause before Roppi whispered, "Kill myself.

* * *

_So I thought this one was better. I was able to organize my thoughts better and was more used to the time limit. What do you think?_


	3. Dessert

Dessert

Prompt: time travel, a fancy (as fancy as possible) rat, two pizzas side-by-side, and the line "Can't you see that I'm upset?"

Delic stared at the stupid statue and tried to figure out how it appealed to his roommate. Psyche brought in the two cooked pizzas and put them side-by-side on the table while asking, "Do you like it?"

The blonde blinked. "Well… it certainly is fancy."

"Right?" the raven urged. He sat down and stared at the object with a smile. "Ratty was always my favorite project from school."

Delic blinked and looked at the statue again. "Maybe it's just me… but does a rat even need a cane and monocle?"

Psyche frowned. "Why not?"

"It's just a bit too extravagant if you ask me…"

Psyche glared. "What are you saying?"

"Maybe we could throw it out?"

Psyche stood up and balled his fists. "Are you insane?!"

"What?" the blonde asked, confused.

"Can't you see that I'm upset? That's mean! Why are you considerate like Tsu-chan!?" He started crying and ran out screaming, "Meanie-head!"

"What the hell?" Delic asked the roof. He got up, knowing the pizzas to the ground in his haste and cried, "Psyche come back!"

He ran through the door after the raven and was suddenly out cold. He woke up in the middle of a field with no city in sight.

"What the hell?" the blonde repeated. He took time to look around but decided it was best to begin his long trek home, despite not knowing where home was. "Who the hell would drag me out here?" he asked.

After an hour or so of wandering, he had forgotten his watch so didn't know for certain, he found a road. Weirdly enough the road was a badly kept dirt path, not what he was used to even when he visited the country-side. People who passed were all on horseback, walking like himself, or in carriages.

Everyone who passed him eyed him with disgust. He looked down at his clothes and rolled his eyes. He was dressed way better than any of them. He was thankful that he always had his headphones and music on him, so was able to drown them out.

"Not a manga," he started muttering to himself. "This is not a manga. Stuff like that doesn't happen in real life. It just doesn't happen. This is probably just a bad trip from a drug someone slipped you. Just wait for it to fade away."

"Excuse me, kind sir," a man on horseback in a suit of armor asked. "What is your intended destination?"

* * *

_Okay so this is where I ran out of time. I added a few things to make it more of a story, so I wrote a little less than this in actuality, but I REALLY wanted to continue after the time ran out, so I'm going to continue on from here, okay?_


	4. Dessert cont

Delic removed his headphones and looked around. "Forward?"

The man frowned. "This isn't a joking question. You are an unfamiliar face, and only those given permission may enter the king's city. Do you have written permission?"

Delic shrugged. "Hell if I know. I'm just wandering in a random direction."

"What is your trade?"

Delic didn't want to say host so he said, "Entertainer?"

"You are a jester?"

"Um... sure?"

"Do you not know?"

"Do you?"

"You certainly speak like a jester, and your manner of dress is certainly unusual. Very well, you may enter the city. You are fortunate that a royal jester has just died, which means you have an opportunity to improve your prospects."

"Thanks! Just tell me where to be."

Delic followed the knight into town and was ushered to a large gathering outside of a huge castle. It was definitely a western-style, middle-aged castle. Looking around he confirmed that no one nearby was Asian, let alone Japanese. He was thankful for once that his hair was dyed blonde.

The crowd he was in were definitely others looking to get the position of royal jester. Delic shrugged it off as competing for just another gig. He tried to remember what a jester was supposed to do. Looking around he saw people juggling, singing to themselves, playing various instruments, telling jokes under their breaths, and dancing in weird ways. Delic nodded to himself and decided what he'd do.

They were ushered into a line and summoned inside. The person who had ushered them inside was dressed like a butler. At his side was a woman who was dressed as a maid. "Listen up," the man ordered them.

The crowd went quiet and he continued, "I will tell you the rules and your objective. Rule one, do not make a mess. If you destroy anything you are out. Rule two, make sure the royal family is entertained more than anyone else. This is important because…"

Delic zoned him out and memorized the lyrics to the song he knew would work. He knew he had to flatter royalty and not make fun of them, and knew just how to flatter people.

Man after man went into the dining hall and did his little spiel. A few ran out crying, but most left disheartened at most. One ran out crying in joy, saying that the king enjoyed his song.

"What did you play?" another man asked the happy reject nervously.

"An original work of mine," the man cried happily. "He said it was good!"

"Then why were you rejected?" Delic asked. He had long since took off his headphones and began formalizing his plans.

"The crown prince does not like songs," he replied sadly.

Another reject who had been begging the butler-guy for another chance ran over and added, "He doesn't like juggling either. Nor my jokes."

The butler came over to usher the losers out and said, "The crown prince has refined taste. He does not enjoy riff-raff."

Delic nodded and grinned before being ushered into the room.

The hall was enormous. There was a huge table in the center which was set for several guests. There were quite a few seats filled, but they were mostly filled with young children. Three little girls and two young boys were sitting down the rows, with one teenager nearest the end. At the head of the table were the king and queen, looking completely royal in their get-up.

"Must we listen to another one?" the teenager groaned. "Father, he doesn't even look the part!"

Delic recognized the familiar look of the raven-headed teenager but made sure to not show it outwardly. He would just have to make sure he impressed them and get the gig so he could talk to the apparent-prince.

"Give him a change, Hibiya," the queen said with a smile. She nodded for Delic to start.

Delic inhaled and picked up a shiny spoon from the table. "Girl, we got work to do," he began. "Pass me, the paint and glue."

He began walking around the table while he continued to sing "Perfect isn't Easy" by Bette Midler. He made a few changes, making the subject of perfect not the singer but rather Prince Hibiya. Delic just had to change "me" or "my" to "you" or "your". It was difficult to sing without backup instruments but he made it work.

The king smiled as it became apparent that his eldest son was the target of the joke. The queen smiled as the little girls tried to sing along. The little boys were giggling but the crown prince frowned once he realized they were laughing at him.

As Delic finished the song, his audience all applauded except one. The grim raven glared at him and looked away.

"You did wonderfully," the queen said as she stood up with her husband.

"Unfortunately…" the king began hesitantly with a glance at his eldest son.

"I have another song I would like Your Highnesses to hear before I am dismissed if you would be so kind," Delic said quickly.

The five children all cheered and nodded excitedly. The queen smiled and sat down. The king glanced at the prince and said, "You may sing."

Delic smiled and said, "Thank you."

He gathered himself and took a calming breath to think of what song was sure to make the prince at least crack a smile. Once he thought of one he asked the family, "Am I correct in assuming you all know how to whistle?"

They didn't so he had to teach them briefly before the young children were all whistling at each other.

"Does this serve a purpose?" the prince growled. He had refused to try and whistle.

Delic gave him a smile and said, "Cheer up, my prince. You know what they say? Some things in life are bad; they can really make you mad. Other things just make you swear and curse." He turned to the royal couple and continued, "When you're chewing on life's gristle, don't grumble, give a whistle. And this'll help things turn out for the best. Eh?"

He snapped along with the melody as he continued singing and whistling at the correct times. The kids all tried whistling during the correct intervals and the royal couple were also smiling at their children happily. Even the prince managed a small smile when the lyrics changed "life" to death".

Instead of continuing on into fourth wall jokes like the song actually goes, Delic ended the song early and with a dramatic bow.

"I think I've seen what I wanted to see," the king said with a smile as he stood up. "You are now the newest court jester… mister…"

"Delic," the blonde answered with a polite smile. "My name is Delic, and I am very grateful to Your Majesties for listening to my singing."

"Delic?" the queen clarified. "That is quite an unusual name. Did you change it?"

"Alas, my parents were just fools with no sense of what to name a child," Delic joked.

The prince got up and left hurriedly. He exited the door which Delic entered from, most likely telling the butler-guy about Delic being hired. The blonde heard a lot of disappointed noises from outside which the royal family seemed oblivious to.

"You simply must learn to play an instrument," the queen was telling him. "A beautiful sound to complement your entertaining songs."

"Sing more!" one of the smaller girls cheered happily. She and one of her sisters had gotten up and ran over to Delic to grab onto his legs. Their sister was old enough to stay back but plead along with them. The two boys were trying to repeat his last song, correcting one-another when one of them got the lyrics or beat wrong.

"Delic is likely very tired," the king said. "Tanaka will show you to your room, and will inform you of your duties starting tomorrow. Don't disappoint us."

He and the queen left as two nannies entered the room and ushered up the five royal children. One took the daughters off to a door leading left and the other led the sons right. The butler-guy, most likely Tanaka, entered and tapped Delic's shoulder.

"Come with me," he said shortly. "I don't have time to give any tours so you'll have to manage on your own, got it?"

Delic started to say something but was interrupted.

"Good. Your room is in the castle's left wing in the north tower. The room was left exactly as your predecessor had it. If you would like to change anything then tell your requests to the maids."

He continued talking all the way to the room. Once they were there he ushered Delic inside and then left gruffly.

"I guess they don't all like me," he laughed.


End file.
